Dating- All over Again...
So this whole stay at home thing is going okay, I mean I have figured out somethings, like the best way to get #1 to eat breakfast is to bribe him with music videos-( don't judge the screen time...its the lesser evil between letting him starve in the morning and become a raving lunatic before lunch right?!) and now that #2 can sit up [they're Irish twins- 11 months apart, 10 months and 28 days but who's counting?!{Oh, Just MY BODY}] I don't have to use a stroller & grocery cart - which was ridiculous- anymore.
Also today we went to a local children's museum. I was there alone with both kids, I was trying to keep an eye on both while actually playing and enjoying myself (imagine that?) I noticed a nice looking couple there together with their son. The mom was pregnant and kind of off to the side. I remember that, I thought quickly. Pregnancy is hard, a lot days, especially when you have your partner there to pick up slack, its is so nice to hang back and not be "in it" all day with your first one.
The husband was joking around and I smiled and laughed a bit and moved on. A few moments later they came into the room my kids were already in. The dad and I started chatting, he asked if we came here a lot -see the dating undertone that this all takes on, not at all inappropriately- this is what looking for "mom" or "dad" or "parent" friends looks, sounds, and feels like.
It is so awkward. My god. So, super awkward. The slight judgments and reading of the conversation and each other.
Was it ok that I said that? Did they get my joke? Do they just think I'm dumb? Am I talking too
fast? Too much? Should I act busy.. yea, check my phone. Im cool, people like me, I have
friends you know...
But I totally knew how it was to be on the other side, I had tried to be on the other side and failed miserbly so I engaged. I don't have mom friends, I mean a few acquaintances play date friends for my kids, but not for me. Not one. I lament on this often to my husband. How I wish for a sister/cousin/friend that I could text and vent to. That I could, without thought or fear of judgement let them know that I was having a bad day, or could we meet at Sarbucks, or its 3am but I need to tell someone this-kind of a friend. I know I need one. So I have been actively, since being a SAHM, really trying to make new friends. I look for them everywhere. Grocery stores, departments stores, kids stores, parks- so many parks....basically if I see you out and think you look okay, not dangerous,weird, or overly religious I pounce. I push my stroller up to you and find somethink dumb to talk about until I can work into the convo how old your kids are, do you live around here, and so on.
So today I engaged in this convo with these people. A year and half ago when I just had #1 I would have cringed in this kind of scenario. I would have escaped. Faked a phone call, bathroom, anything and got out of there. People trying to talk to me? Weird. Don't they have friends? I would think to myself. Ugh, I am only here for my kids. I have real friends to hang out with.
And that may have been half true then. Kid-less Friends disappear once you have kids, let this be your warning.
We had a great discussion. The husband actually went to tend to my fussing child so his wife and I could continue an adult conversation without being interrupted by kids every 10 seconds. We talked about family, my lack there of and there family near by; we talked about husbands, and having baby number, having a girl after a boy, and girl names. We joked about her crush on Biebs and Beckham.
It felt nice. It felt comfortable. It felt like my old self was able to peek out for a bit. I've missed her.
At the end her husband suggested we exchange info, we looked each other up on Facebook and sure enough had a mutual friend (such a small world right?), and exchanged phone numbers.
We have texted a few times but haven't hung out yet. How soon do I call? What do I say? And can I use emojis? Seriiously, I haven't had this much anxiety over texting another person for a decade, I met my guy in college so its been a long while.
I'll let you know how this all turns out...
xoxo-
:::::meanwhile moon mama::::